
Imagine me standing at that crossroads. Make that guy a gal. Lose the hat. Make me shorter. Ok, that's better...
Anywho, this where I feel that I am in a couple of aspects of my life. Not fun, but for once, I can say that I'm not barreling towards a direction simply to have one. I'm not jumping feet first so that I'm moving forward, not standing still to pay attention to what's around me. I've done that enough in my life. Now is the time for me to make calculated steps because every one that I take not only effects me, but my family as well.
Personally, there are some changes coming. They are good ones but still they are changes. There is one major pot hole looming about a year and a half out, but I see it on the map of Life before me. Forewarned is forearmed. ;)
Professionally, I'm in a quandary. I love working with my students. They give me a daily dose of energy and creativity. It's my coworkers who are more like emotional vampires and the rapid decline of the quality of education (across the board, not just at the school that I'm working at) that have me concerned. I'm beginning to question if obtaining that daily dose is worth the constant stress and concern coming at me from admins and the Federal Govt. I want to teach. I want to make a difference. I feel like I have made a positive impact of some of my students. (I'm too humble to think that I've been a good influence on all of them. I know that some kids just don't get me so I'm happy if I can help one or two a year. Anything else is icing on the cake.) However, I'm watching my kids as they are starting to go through the public school system and frankly, I'm worried. I just spent 3 hours doing math homework with my son. I'm an educated, concerned and helpful parent who wants to see her child succeed and it took me that long to help him complete a single worksheet. What is happening with those kids who don't have involved parents? This along with the dropping of the "standards" bar has made me start thinking about homeschooling my kids. Am I ready to step out of one classroom and into another one that I can never leave once I start? I'm confident in my ability to teach my kids. It's maintaining my sanity that has me worried.
GAH! So much to think about! Thankfully, there's no flaming comet about to hit me if I don't make this decision right now. The World will not stop spinning and I'm willing to bet good money that the sun will rise tomorrow regardless of my state of decision or indecision. Therefore, I take this one step by step, day by day. I'll throw in some extra crafting time so that my hands can stay busy while my brain can wander through this maze of "Should I?" and "What if...".
I'll figure it out. I'm positive of that. Something will have to give somewhere and most likely, a chapter of my life will close leaving me free to explore the next few pages. :)